Sunday, September 15, 2013

Temporary Anne and "The Gate"

Briane Pagel is here today pimping his new book Temporary Anne.

I'll have a review of it later in the week (possibly tomorrow?). As I'm writing this, I haven't, yet, finished reading the book, but I fully expect to have finished it by the time this posts. So far, I have nothing but good things that I could say about it, but I have to leave open the possibility that the author could spoil it at the end since I've read more than one book that went along swimmingly (ask Anne) right up until the end, when the book suddenly drowned. Of course, in Anne's case, the swimming happened first, but I'm getting ahead of the story, I think.

Before I hand things over to Briane, I should add that Briane has taken my idea of including stories from other authors and run off with it. In fact, he ran off with one of my stories, a story that I had planned to release all on its own for the same price as Briane's book, so, hey, it's like two stories for the price of one. AND I'm not the only one with a short at the back of Anne. You can also find stories by PT DillowayRusty Carl and Nigel Mitchell. So, actually, that's FIVE stories for the price of ONE! What a deal. So go pick up Temporary Anne for the low, low price of absolutely nothing (because today it is FREE!) and read "The Magic Cookies." I guarantee you that it's not the kind of story you've come to expect from me.

All of that said, here's Briane!


This is DAY TWO of the release tour for my newest book, Temporary Anne.
Temporary Anne is a horror story about a woman so desperate to avoid Hell -- the fate for the evil she's done during her life -- that she makes things infinitely worse after her death.
To celebrate the release, I'm doing a blog tour in which I'm writing a short story, LIVE, with your help!  At each stop, I'll do an installment of the story and you can suggest where it goes next!
Below is PART TWO of the story.  PART ONE appeared on Tina Downey's Life Is Good, and if you didn't catch it, click here to read that first before going on, maybe, so the story makes more sense to you!
But it was no good, as before I could speak, Stephen King -- the man himself! The legendary author! The guy who once had threatened to punch my lights out in an alleyway, or so I told people back home! -- suddenly shot up out of his seat.
You would be forgiven if you thought I, as a writer, was merely using descriptive language to demonstrate how Stephen King stood up suddenly, perhaps to storm onto stage and announce that he would let me finish but really Dean Koontz should've won this award, but I assure you, I am in no way exaggerating.
As I said "I", Stephen King rose several feet above his seat, lifted in the air and his legs flailing and arms grappling towards his throat but not reaching it, Stephen King levitating above the assembled, dignified-but-suddenly-shocked crowd, a crowd which had figured on simply sitting through boring speeches before cocktails but which now suddenly was treated to a spectacle!
They seemed to enjoy it, for the few seconds that Stephen King was merely writhing above their heads apparently pantomiming being strangled by a being much larger (and meaner! and more claw-ish and fang-having than they were, although they did not know that!) than he, but their enjoyment quickly faded when first Stephen King's left, and then Stephen King's right, eyeball was pulled from his head as if by a vacuum cleaner.
Can you imagine? I, and the Vice President of the United States, and the assembled dignitaries, need not imagine what it looks like, but you may not have read all of the news accounts, many of which were not so graphic, so I'll describe it:
Stephen King's eye -- the left one, first, remember-- begins to bulge out.  As though he were a cartoon wolf, looking at a sexy cartoon sheep! It bulges, rounder and rounder and then, if you were looking closely at it, you'd see the lens about to tear off but the optic nerve must break first, and the eyeball -- still whole! Still whole! -- POPS! from the socket, the squishy rip of the nerve pulling off being overshadowed by the sucking sound the orb makes as it disappears into the invisible maw of the beast only I can see.
I can see all of them.
I saw the beast as it walked through the aisle, not betraying its presence by touching anything until it reached the third row.  I saw its slimy tentacles stretch above Stephen King, nearly brushing the Vice President's ear, and I saw it lift him up.
"Um..." I said, and covered my surprise with a sip of water from the glass on the podium, putting the glass down as pandemonium broke loose upon Stephen King's unfortunate (for him!) demise.
After the eyes, the head appears to collapse inwards on itself-- only I know that it is one of the three arms of the Beast that has used its claws to puncture the ears on each side before crushing the skull.  Only I can see the tentacle then fling Stephen King's lifeless, nearly-headless body, at the now-screaming seats of dignitaries, dignified no longer as they scramble for exits, avoiding the security guards who have rushed in to -- too late!-- to protect Mr. King.
Only I need not fear this Beast, as it turns upon the security guards.
Tentacles grasp and pull, guards' guns stop firing, guards hearts burst from the squeezing pressure.
From its seven mouths come seven tongues, tongues that are lined with needles, like a cactus, but only if that cactus had been grown in Lucifer's own garden plot, and even then only by a particularly malicious gardener!
Three arms waving, five legs stomping, seven tentacles grabbing, too-many-heads-having, the Beast dispatches the guards.  Only a few of the audience have been crushed by it, although some probably will die from having been lit on fire by its breath.
In the melee, I close my eyes, but even then, I can still see the Beast.
It is looking at me. 
"YOU!" a voice says.
It is not the voice of the Beast.
YOU get to help Andrew pick what happens next!  I'll leave it wide open and see what you, and Andrew, come up with.

*Promise not valid in the 6th, 14th, and 17th dimensions.

--Briane Pagel
"That's a lot of infinity!":

"I sometimes call him Pumpkin Pie.":

"In my defense, I didn't know what whores were" :

This has been a production of the Vince Lombardi fanfic group:

 So you heard the man. Leave suggestions in the comment section about where the story goes from here. I'll pick what I like best and pass it on to Briane. Part 3 of his story on the run will appear on Laws of Gravity on September 18. Make sure you check it out!

To continue on with the FREE! stuff, today is also the release of "Part Thirty-two: The Gate"! Oh, we're so close to the end, now; can't you taste it? Okay, please don't do that. Seriously, get your tongue off of your monitor. Do you know how dirty that thing is? Yeah, I see that those dried coffee spots where you sloshed your coffee two weeks ago and didn't bother to clean it off. And that other thing... oh, man, I don't even know what that is! Don't you ever clean your monitor? It's not a science experiment!


Here is the list of today's FREE! Shadow Spinner offerings:
"Part Thirty-two: The Gate" (also FREE! tomorrow, Tuesday, September 17)
There you go, twelve FREE! parts, today. And don't forget to grab Anne while you can!


  1. Gasp, not Stephen King! However, I think he'd be delighted with the fashion of his demise. As far as what happens next...if it's not the beast perhaps it's...his mom?

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

  2. Very unusual idea, and an original one I might add. I've no idea what should come next though.

  3. I can't believe there are people commenting at 1, or 4, am! It's 6:16 a.m. and as usual, Present Me is resentful of Past Me, who sets the alarm and determined when I will get up. At least Future Me can get him back. Hopefully!

    Thanks for posting this, Andrew! I also downloaded #32 and this week ought to be a better one for me getting to reading stuff.

    I look forward to everyone's suggestions.

  4. Also, you were right. My monitor tasted TERRIBLE. I should've sprung the extra $60 for the caramel-coated laptop. At the time, I thought "But when would I ever need that?" NOW I KNOW.

  5. I love what you did to Stephen King. It was a pleasure to have you at my place. As to what happens next, I think there's another monster but with Stephen King's head...
    Tina @ Life is Good

  6. I have no idea where to go from here that doesn't involve ridiculous comedic hijinks. I read tentacle monster and I think Japanese anime porn.

    See? You don't want me mapping out the next chunk.

    Congrats to Briane on the release! I snagged my copy and I'll read it after I review Andrew's volume 1 (I kinda have free time now that our new book is out! Yay!).

  7. I can't suggest properly on my phone. But I'll try.

    You can try to bludgeon the beast with your 7 Nobel prizes (how many are there, I don't know) and you can use the peace prize to knock out its teeth - for a touch of irony... Or...

    You wake up and you realize it was a dream and you're late for school. Except there is a Nobel prize for literature in your bed - and the head of Stephen King.

    And then you realize. It wasn't a dream - but you ARE the monster!

    Or, you realize that wasn't Stephen King, it was a monster sent to kills us all - the real hero is the super monster from the future that traveled back in time to Dave you with it's awesome tentacles and tell you of your destiny that the forces of evil are trying to prevent you from fulfilling.

    Ta da!

  8. I personally like the third option I put down the best. Except it isn't "Dave", it should be save. Still. Getting 'Daved' might be pretty cool.

  9. If I HAD a vote, I would go for Future Monster Dave-ing me, but I do not have a vote. But that's an awesome idea.

  10. I kind of like the idea of the voice being from his mom. Maybe she was an awful, repressive woman and so she can be eaten next.

    Otherwise, the voice could be a telepathic conversation with some gorgeous kick-ass warrior chick from the future sent to bring the monster (and other horrors from his imagination) to it's demise. Since they're coming from the guy's imagination, she somehow has access to his brain.

    I've got to download Temporary Anne tonight. I keep forgetting. :P

  11. Shannon: Hmm... I'm not sold on the "mom" idea. Why would she say "you!"?
    Stephen King is my fault.

    Alex: Except for the money and fame, yeah, it probably does.

    Anne: Oh, you write stories for your miniatures all the time, though.

    Briane: Exactly. Always go for the flavored version.

    Tina: I kind of like the Stephen King's head idea except that his head is still laying on the floor. At least, I think it is. It would have to be a duplicate. I'll have to think about it.

    ABftS: Japanese anime porn... that might take this story in ways no one has considered. What is the thing with tentacle monsters, anyway?

    Rusty: All right, now this feels related to 2001. Dave... Dave...?

    Lara: Hmm... another mom vote.
    I'm not sure I can go with time travel.

    Briane: See, I'm thinking it should be some character that got offed in the award winning novel. But let's see what more people think.

  12. As I read it, Stephen King's head got punched inside his "mostly headless" body so it could be retrievable by some other monster and used. Mis-shapen, of course, but that would only be more monstrous, in my non-horror reading or watching opinion.
    Tina @ Life is Good

  13. Let's not overlook Lara's excellent suggestion of a supersexy warrior chick from the future. WHY IS NOBODY ELSE TRYING TO TURN THIS INTO AN AWESOME SEXY ADVENTURE?

    Beer: your suggestion counts as neither awesome, nor sexy.

  14. All I can deduce is that some readers might not know that a lot of your post titles (at least at Me, Annotated) start with the word let's with severed (because he recovered it, Andrew) head of Stephen King now HIS head, runs into SEXY blonde idiot horror movie teenage chick who runs into the least that's what I think happens in horror movies. At least in the previews. Not that I've watched the movies, just the maybe I shouldn't be giving ideas, but at least I can leave long comments ala Briane...although this would have to be a LOT longer to qualify as a Briane-style let's add that the phone lines have been cut and the blonde chick is a baby-sitter and her boyfriend just left...see, I think you can learn a lot about a genre from movie previews. I mean, have you ever noticed that the previews that come with the DVD you're about to watch kinda match? So if you're sitting there on the couch with your entire family, cringing, because some preview offended you, then chances are the movie you are about to watch will also offend you. Or maybe I'm just waterlogged...
    Tina @ Life is Good

  15. Okay, so, sexy, blond, cheerleader runs in, but she's not from the future, because I can't support a time travel story. If someone else wants to take it a time travel direction, that's fine, but not me. No sir, not me.
    So it's the cheerleader, or, maybe, a female drum major, because that's less stereotypical, whose voice it is that says "yes," and she's talking to the beast not the writer.

    How's that for a direction?

  16. Oooh. Good. This is very good.

    Tina: I copied your comment and I'm going to make it (at some point) the first-ever featured guest comment on Me, Annotated.

  17. Briane - I am honored and flattered. Wow.
    Tina @ Life is Good

  18. Oh, man, now I feel the need to try to write a comment worthy of being a guest comment!