Sunday, January 21, 2018
The internet is still not working. I think I’m going to go crazy. All the things I usually do are gone! Including talking to my friends. Mom says I should use the phone, the actual phone. She says that’s all she had when she was a kid and that that ought to be good enough for me, too. But talking on the phone is weird, and I can only talk to one person at a time. And I can’t share pictures on the stupid phone.
Maybe if they would get me a cell phone, but Mom says not until I’m 14. Which got changed from 12 when I turned 12. All of my friends have phones! Sometimes I hate my mom!
Like today. She made us go to church. All of us, even Dad. Dad never goes to church. But Mom said we all needed to get right with God and that that included Dad, too. I hate when she starts talking about getting right with God. What does that even mean? Being good? I’m a good person... except for the porn, but I like it and I don’t really get what the big deal about it is. I’m not mean to people or anything so what’s the problem?
Except that I’m obviously not right with God which is why I try to never go to church. I hate it. It’s the most boring thing in the world and the people are all stupid with their fake smiles about how good it is to see you before they go off and leave you in a corner to sit by yourself while they all have fun with each other.
But there were a lot of people at church today. It was packed. And weird. There were even a few of my friends from school there which was the only thing that made it okay.
Everybody was still all fake, though. Pretending to be happy and that everything is okay when clearly none of them think everything’s okay. But no one was talking about it. Whatever “it” is. Mom tells me to be quiet whenever I ask her what’s going on and that I’m not old enough to worry about it. Maybe I wouldn’t worry if I knew what it was.
Is it just that they all think we’re in a war? No one is saying that. And haven’t we been being in a war for a long time? I don’t understand what the big deal is and no one will explain.
During church, the pastor kept talking about China and the “damn commies.” He never said we were at war with China, but he blamed the internet on China, too. Maybe that was just because Trump is blaming the internet on China. Which probably certainly means it’s NOT China because when has Trump ever told the truth about anything?
My friend Jerry, whose parents made him come to church, too, said that his dad said it can’t be China. His dad works with computers or something and said that what’s wrong with the internet is too complicated to be China. I don’t know what that means. It all seems complicated to me. Jerry tried to explain it to me so he seems to understand, but I don’t get it. He kept trying to tell me that there’s nothing wrong with the internet itself and that’s why it couldn’t be China.
Then he said I didn’t understand because I’m a girl, so I punched him in the stomach.
The pastor talked a lot about China and getting rid of foreign invaders. Foreign invaders pretty much means anyone not white, and lots of people have already moved away. They just left, including my friend Tamira who left right after school started. He also talked about purity and getting right with God, but he didn’t say how to do that. Probably getting rid of porn because people at church are always all weird about sex and that’s another reason I don’t like going to the youth stuff because all they ever talk about is how bad sex is.
I wanted to go out to eat after church. A bunch of my friends were going, but Mom wouldn’t let me. She said it costs too much, now, and I guess it does. We haven’t had any fruit or vegetables in months. Everyone says it’s because of California. The prices are really really high, now, and we can’t afford anything more than potatoes. And meat. Meat is still cheap. It doesn’t come from California.
I started three different books today, but they were all dumb. Mom’s stupid romance crap. I just want the internet back.