Friday, January 20, 2017

Day One

Saturday, Jan. 20, 2018

Today is so boring. The internet isn’t working. No one’s internet is working. Neither is the TV.

That’s not exactly true.

The radio says the internet is fine. It says it’s just parts of the internet like Google and Facebook and Netflix. So none of the important parts of the internet are working, not even Twitter, and neither is the… I don’t remember what it’s called. The thing that sends you to the websites you want to go to. I can’t even sneak any porn, because porn isn’t working, either.

Supposedly, if you know how to tell your computer to go directly to the website you want to go, if it’s one that is working, something about ports or something, your computer will do it. Because the Internet works. For local stuff mostly. But who even knows how to do that sort of thing.

Which means the internet is broken.

Technically, the TV works, too. If I choose the antennae option, I can watch the local stations. Except they’re all fuzzy because we don’t have an antennae. No one has antennaes. Why would anyone have an antennae? Old people maybe. There’s nothing on local channels anyway. Who even watches those either?

Old people.

My dad is mad because there was no paper. No newspaper. Because no one gets newspapers anymore because why would you get a newspaper when everything is online? Just that old guy down the street gets a paper, and he probably doesn’t even have a computer is why. He’s mean, anyway, and it’s probably because he doesn’t have a computer. It hasn’t even been one day, and I’m mad about not having a computer.

But the old guy didn’t get his newspaper today. I know because he accused me of taking it just because I was walking down the street. I was walking down the street because Mom yelled at me because I was bugging her about the computer, and Dad yelled at me because there was no newspaper for him to go buy. So my dad was mad because he couldn’t find a newspaper to buy and the old guy was mad because he didn’t get his, so called me names and accused me of stealing it.

Why would I even want some stupid newspaper?

Then the radio said there wasn’t a newspaper for today at all. Because of the internet. Is the newspaper just for people who don’t have computers? If they don’t have the internet, they can’t get news, so why have them if you have a computer?

Mom has been listening to the news on the radio all day, so I can’t even turn on any music. She keeps telling me to read a book or something. Or study. Find a way to occupy myself.

At least she quit telling me to go outside and play. Like I’m a little kid. It’s too cold and wet. And she yelled at me for getting mud all over the floor when I did go out. Because I thought it might be better outside than inside because I was just getting yelled out inside, but then I got yelled at outside, too, by the old guy, and it was raining a little bit, so outside was worse.

There’s no one to talk to on the phone, either, because the phone keeps telling me that all the lines are busy. I suppose that means it’s also working but without working. Like everything else today.

Except the radio. Which Mom won’t let me use.

Today sucks.

I tried to find a book, but I couldn’t find anything I wanted to read. While I was looking, the President was on the radio. Not live or anything, but he recorded a message. He wasn’t live because of there not being any internet. Well, not because of the internet but because of whatever is causing the problem with the internet. He wants it back, too. He’s mad about not having Twitter. He said it’s a disaster.

He's also blaming it on China. Maybe. Mom says he thinks it’s China but there’s no proof. He didn’t say it’s some fat guy in his mother’s basement, though, not this time. He also didn’t say it’s the Russians, but I think he’s scared to say that. He keeps making deals with Russia and they keep changing them. Just like Darth Vader in Empire.

Trump said we’re at war and we’re going to destroy them… just as soon as we figure out who we’re at war with.

I hope it’s just a technical problem, though, like a line being down somewhere. I guess it would have to be a big line. Maybe a satellite crashed. But they’d probably know if that happened.

Now I’m bored AND scared, and I just wish I could go on Facebook or something and see what’s going on with my friends. If I could do that, though, there wouldn’t be a problem, and I wouldn’t be bored or scared.

What if we are at war?


  1. <3 I thought about running one of those counts that would begin "O days without an international embarrassment" wondering how high it could go... maybe 8 or something... But I don't know how to make one. I enjoyed this piece--it was well done and also left me feeling a little less alone in my feelings of impending doom.

    1. Hart: Oh, we're way past impending.
      Oh, man, I should have posted the "Doom Song"!
      And that we are an international embarrassment happened on Nov. 8 and is an ongoing thing.
      Now we have to make it right.

  2. I feel like no matter what the porn would be there, otherwise there would definitely be riots.

  3. Oh, the horrors we face. I'm serious.


  4. Weirdly entertaining. Is this going to be a story? I like it.

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  6. I'm not sure even Orwell could have seen Trump coming.

    1. TAS: The real problem is that we all saw him coming and didn't really do anything to stop him, voting aside. I mean, at that point he said he wouldn't accept the results of the election unless he won, he should have been shut down. Completely and hard.

    2. Yesterday, I have to say, was definitely encouraging. I hope the marches are just the beginning.

    3. TAS: I hope so, too, but I'm not going to start holding my breath yet.