Sunday, April 14, 2013

How To Be... a superModel (and Lost in the Garden)

First, today is "Part Nineteen: Lost in the Garden" for FREE!
But more on that in a moment, first:

So you want to be a supermodel, do you? Well, were you born a freak of nature? No, seriously, were you? Because, if you want to be a supermodel, that's the best and easiest place to start. Just be born exquisitely beautiful. Yeah, I know that it may be a stretch to think of these people that we put on pedestals as freaks of nature, but it's true; they are.

How can I say that?

Because of the bell curve.
Most people, no matter what you're measuring: intelligence, athletic ability, beauty, fall into that tall hump there in the middle. The average folks. Of course, in our current American society, we try to play it off that no one is average and that everyone is special, but it's just not so. All you have to do to know that some people are genetic freaks, the people born at either end of the spectrum, is look at a picture like this:
Those people are at the "definitely more than others" end of the curve (most of them) and are as much a genetic anomaly as the people born at the "definitely less than others" end of the curve. Like this:
Yes, that is Sloth from The Goonies. Yes, I know he's not real.

However, being born with the looks is not a guarantee of success, nor is being born without them a guarantee of failure. As with most things, hard work can take you places that innate ability may fail to reach.
For instance, Cindy Crawford was frequently told early on in her career that she would never make it.
The mole was seen as a blemish by many magazines and agencies, and they made the assumption that no one would be interested in seeing pictures of her.

With Crawford as inspiration, here are some things you can do to help your supermodel chances:
1. Have a healthy diet and keep yourself in good physical condition.
2. Take care of your body: hair, skin, teeth, etc.
3. Develop a portfolio.
4. Attend a modeling school.
5. Pick a specialty and develop a look. The more unique the better.

There you go. Simple steps that can start you on your path to supermodel stardom!

Today is the FREE! release of "Part Nineteen: Lost in the Garden." It will be FREE! today, Monday, April 15, and tomorrow, Tuesday, April 16. Joining #19 on the FREE! list today (only) will be
"Part Eighteen: The Angel"
"Part Seventeen: The Tree of Light"
"Part Sixteen: The Dark Tree"
"Part Twelve: The Gash in the Floor"
"Part Eleven: The Kiss"
"Part Ten: The Broken Window"
"Part Nine: The Shadow of the Tree"
"Part Eight: The Cold and the Dark"
"Part Six: The Man with No Eyes"
"Part Five: The Police Car"
"Part Four: The Cop"
"Part Three: The Bedroom"
"Part Two: The Kitchen Table"
That's 14 out of 19 parts of Shadow Spinner available for FREE! today only! But that's not all! Also FREE! today is the "zero" part, "The Evil That Men Do," so that makes 15 out of 20. That's not too bad!

So, yeah, I realize that "Part One: The Tunnel" is not available for free (because I'm all out of free days for it), but it's only $0.99, so, if you pick that one up, you can get all the way to part 12, today, without spending more than two bucks (because part seven is also not quite available again, yet, for a free day). What kind of a deal is that? A great one, I'd say!
And, just to try to convince you, here are some of the things that people have been saying about "The Tunnel" and Shadow Spinner:

  • There is room, though, for a thinking man's fantasy-father tale. There should be signs and portents. There should be odd things happening around the edges. Mom should be a little damaged and a little mental. Suspicious things should happen and there should be a slow unfolding of what's going to happen and what might happen. That's what you get here.

    And you get it with real style. These chapters are not overwritten. If anything the structure is spare bordering on minimal. But it's clean and sharp and effective. This makes for a satisfying tale that builds slowly but inexorably to greater and greater dread.
  • Even if you don't read the rest of the series, this stand alone story is just worth reading in itself. It's dark, it's a little eerie, and the moment I started it, I felt like I was a kid again walking home from school, experiencing child-like fear from such silly, common things as dark tunnels and the shadows that creep within them.
  • Personally, I can't wait to read the rest of Tib's story.
  • The story far exceeded even my high expectations.
  • Loved it, my favorite story of Andrew Leon's so far. Can't wait for the next one.
  • I'm really enjoying the serialized installments of this mysterious little novel.
  • What can I say Shadow Spinner gets its hooks into ya.

Oh! And as an added bonus, and I don't do this very often, today only, you can get
"Christmas on the Corner" for, you guessed it, FREE! Yes, I know it's not Christmas, but you'll enjoy it anyway.


  1. I definitely do not want to be a model. Incredible Hulk it is then...

  2. Models are the pretty freaks. Congrats on your books and nice of you to offer them for free to us kind of broke folks.

  3. I knew some models and they were anything but healthy. Eating only a head of lettuce a day and taking laxatives like they were candy. What a glamorous life!

  4. How about Model Lumberjacks?
    Shreveport? That's almost a Yankee.
    Great post. Thanks for stopping by my spot as well.

  5. Always thought models were too damn skinny. I like a woman with a shape and not 'stick-figure.'

  6. Supermodels have been bad influences. Not only do the girls think they have to look like them, many guys also think if a girl doesn't look like a supermodel something is wrong with her. Dove has did a great thing with their models, showing people in all shapes and sizes which is closer to reality!

  7. Hey, I've been quoted! I feel kinda important.

    Also, I love the qualifications to being a model. Like, at 5'9, I'm too short to even be a FEMALE model. Because, you know, people of average height are just not sexy enough. I always find myself wishing my wife was a foot taller.

  8. Well, now I know what I need to do to start my modeling career. My parents always told me that people would stop them when I was little because of my curls...that doesn't happy anymore...weird. Oh well. Great post!
    Happy M Day!

  9. Funny story. The only thing that kept me from being a model was my height and looks. I was this close.

  10. Models are genetic freaks! I think the idea that a woman has to be 6'3" and no more than 27 pounds is starting to be eroded, thankfully! It looks to me like the trend is starting to move towards being healthy and fit..maybe that's just an illusion, I don't know. Years ago I heard an interview with Cindy Crawford and she was explaining that she and her friends 'pig out' just like everybody else. On their pig out days they went to a hamburger joint and split one regular burger four ways! Yeah, just like the rest of us...these people don't have a clue.

  11. It must be a sad sad life to be born beautiful.

  12. We do reward the beautiful well, don't we?

  13. M.J.: How do you look in green?

    Sheena: Hey, I'm broke folks, too, so I know how it is.

    JKIR,F!: You have to be healthy -before- you get to be a model.

    Bethie: As people used to like to say, "Shreveport should go back to Texas where it belongs." Of course, that was in the 80's; I doubt people still feel that way on either side of the border.

    Alex: Yeah, mostly, they are.

    G_G: Well, women feel the same way towards guys that don't look like they should be in an underwear ad. But, yeah, people have certainly been swayed by popular images.

    S.L.: Pizza for all!

    ABftS: You have been. I almost quoted you more than once. Or maybe I did...?
    I used to be average height. Why does the average keep changing, that's what I want to know!
    (Not really. I know why.)

    Katelin: Do you not have curls anymore? Thanks for stopping by!

    Rusty: Funny! That's also what they told me!

    Eve: It is starting to be. Millennials seem to have gone beyond that. At least somewhat.

    Michael: I know! I feel so bad for them.

    L.G.: Yeah, unfortunately. Did you know that "attractive" people make more money than "unattractive" people? Even when they are not as skilled.

  14. Thanks for the supermodel tips! I can pretty much admit I've failed at them already, but you're so right that hard work and dedication are more valuable than good looks any day. Besides, many really good looking people get tired of being credited with something out of their control like looks, and seek real validation on their work/talent.

  15. Obviously whoever told Ms. Crawford she wouldn't make it was out of step with public tastes. I'd rather see a girl who looks like a girl--moles and all--than someone "re-done" by plastic surgeons.

    It seems like you're in a gifting mood today! Very generous.

  16. Like so many other people, I wonder what is the big appeal in modeling. I know it's trite but I still think it is the truth - a warm and genuine smile makes anyone beautiful. But what do I know?
    I liked your piece - you tell it like it is!

  17. Me a model? Not likely unless being a mediocre juggling is a prerequisite.

    A Faraway View
    An A to Z Co-host blog

  18. Pk: That's true. Because, really, how much control do you have, without surgery, over how you look?

    C. Lee: For the time, they probably were in step with public tastes, but it's like with Star Wars; sometimes, the public doesn't know what they want until someone puts it out there.

    Graciewilde: I do try to tell it like it is.
    I think the appeal is in getting paid a lot of money to do... well, not much. I mean, have you ever heard models talk about, in all seriousness, how difficult the job really is. How, sometimes, they have to hold a pose for -minutes- at a time. I think it's a similar kind of job to those guys that hold stop signs for road crews, only the models get paid so much more.

    Lee: I'm sure there must be some call for juggling models.

  19. When I was young I went to a modeling agency. They promised me I had what it took to become famous. They also promised my best friend she had what it took to become famous. Then they asked us each for two thousand dollars.

    I never became a model.

  20. Being a model also requires being tall, so I'm waaaaay out. Seems kind of boring, anyway.

  21. A lot of it's timing, too. And there are rather unattractive models out there, as well, that I have no explanation as to why they'd be cast in commercials. Ever seen that hideous, sneering, gap-toothed blonde in the Rimmel London mascara commercial. YIKES! Talk about scary. I cringe every time I see it.

  22. Elsie: Sounds like a vanity publisher to me. "This is the best book I ever read! Now just give us $5000, and we'll publish it for you."

    Jeanne: True, most of them are.

    Kimberly: It is pretty cool.

    Nancy: Actually, I haven't seen a commercial in... well, it's been a long time.

  23. I decided against being a model. Or something like that.

  24. Just be really really ridiculously good-looking huh? Well that ship has sailed. It's okay anyways. I am not one to be constantly worrying about my appearance. Good post though.
    We Are Adventure

  25. Donna: Yeah, me, too.

    Elliot: Pretty much, yeah. I quit worrying about how I look before I started.

  26. Haha! That combination of images made me think of the "Twilight Zone" episode "The Eye of the Beholder."

    #atozchallenge, Kristen's blog:

  27. Kristen: It's been too long (since I was a kid) since I've seen Twilight Zone, so I don't remember that episode. I'll take your word for it.