Monday, July 30, 2012

Double Fail

Do you ever have those moments where you realize you've forgotten something or mislaid something or, I don't know, lost a child? I know someone that did that, lost his child at Disneyland because he forgot she was with him and just walked off and left her. There's that moment of panic that sets in when you realize that you forgot. It's a horrible moment.

Until today (Sunday, July 29, 2012), the worst experience I've had with this was forgetting about my creative class one day last school year. It's not that I forgot the class itself, I just forgot what day it was. I was busy writing, what can I say? I was being very cognizant of what time I needed to leave to pick up my kids from school, but, about half way through class, I suddenly realized "oh crap! it's Thursday I'm supposed to be teaching class!" That was a moment of panic.

Mostly, I don't have those, though. I've never forgotten to pick my kids up from school or anything like that. When I used to wear glasses, I would have those moments where I'd wonder where my glasses were while I was wearing them (no, I didn't switch to contacts... it's a long story (okay, not that long, but I'm not talking about that, right now)), but, really, I'm pretty good with remembering things or, at least, knowing that I'm not remembering and asking. I've never even forgotten birthdays, or, um... anniversaries.

Well, until now, that is.

I realized this morning... well, I was reminded this morning (remember, this is Sunday morning) that it's my wife's step-twins' birthday is today. That's not a big deal. The problem was that as I was being caused to remember their birthday, I had the sudden realization that their birthday is after my wedding anniversary. It's after our anniversary, and my wife and I hadn't done anything for it. Or even mentioned it. Or talked about anything about it all month. My immediate response to realizing that I'd missed our anniversary was an interior "oh, crap!"

Because, see, my wife hadn't mentioned it. She also didn't seem mad. I didn't know what to do. I mean, had she also forgotten, or, as I thought was more likely, had she remembered but not said anything because I hadn't said or done anything. Was it a test? This was bad! What the heck do you do in that kind of situation?

I briefly considered just not saying anything. I mean, you know, if she had forgotten then everything was cool. But, no, because if it was a test of some sort, the longer I went, the worse things would get. And if she had forgotten but remembered and I still hadn't said anything... I had to bite the bullet. That's all there was to it.

We go out for coffee on Sunday mornings. It's the only time we have without the kids all week, and that's what we do together. We drove over to the coffee shop to get our Aztec mochas (you can read more about the whole Aztec thing here), and, as we got out of the car, I said, "I realized this morning that I've forgotten something," to which my wife responded, "What did you forget?"

That wasn't a very good response for me. So much for fishing for information, right? So I start trying to explain to her about remembering what I'd forgotten without actually telling her what the thing was while I tried to figure out if she knew, and she just kept saying to me, "What did you forget?" until I finally said, "I realized that we missed our anniversary." My wife kind of stopped, like she got stuck for a moment, and then said, "What?" I could see her figuring out days in her head until she finally asked the date and then she kind of didn't believe that we'd missed it and tried to tell me that I was wrong, but I reminded her that it was the twins' birthday, which is after our anniversary, and, then, she couldn't remember the date of our anniversary to figure out when we were supposed to have celebrated it.

So I got points:
1. Because I remembered first!
2. Because I knew when it was supposed to have been!

And, then, she said, "What does that say about us?"

Which is a good question.

And I didn't really have a good answer except that I finally answered that it says we have very busy kids, which we do, and it's so difficult keeping up with all of their stuff that we can't remember our own stuff. Which is actually true. But, still...

We forgot our anniversary. Both of us.

However, I went out Sunday afternoon and bought some good food and cooked her a great anniversary dinner for Sunday night, and that was nice. Even if we did have to share it with 2/3 of our children.

My wife's final response was, "Well, at least it wasn't our 15th or 20th that we forgot, right?" And that's true, except that we still have the opportunity to forget those. I'm trying to figure out ways to drill this into my head, now, so that I can remember not to forget next year!

I still say boarding school is the answer...

Don't forget to pick up your FREE copy of chapter one of Shadow Spinner"Part One: The Tunnel" for your Kindle or Kindle app! "Part Two: The Kitchen Table" will be coming soon!
When you pick it up, please click the "like" button. After you read it, a short review and rating would be awesome! Thanks in advance!


  1. I have forgotten to go to the day job because I've been so engrossed in writing. Unfortunately, they didn't fire me for it.

    And I have also been the kid who has been forgotten. There were a lot of us so it wasn't hard to not realize one of us wasn't there. I turned out all right. Well, fine, I could've turned out worse...

    Happy Anniversary and...

    I love the cover for Shadow Spinner. It looks terrific!

  2. I hate that feeling. I've only had it a couple of times in my life so far, but I hope to never experience it again. I doubt I'll be that lucky though!

  3. I forgot my own birthday, and not just once. :D

    I believe you two forgetting to pay attention to your anniversary says a good deal of positive things about your relationship. It says your dynamics as a couple doesn't depend on grand gestures, and that you work naturally and comfortable together as a unit, and enjoy the little things you do together more than those extracurricular things you do toward each other. And I think that's awesome!

    Congrats for that, Andrew! :)

  4. You had to say something because it really might've been a test!
    Never forgotten our anniversary. We usually go somewhere to celebrate, so planning starts a month or two before the date. I'd like to forget my birthday but my wife won't let me.
    Big points for you for remember first!

  5. I use Google calendar and print a copy of two months at a time to put on my desk.

  6. Oh, man.

    I've never forgotten our anniversary, but I'm kind of lucky because it's always right around Mother's Day and so I get these big reminders about Mother's Day from Madison Avenue, and then I get to remember "Oh, yeah, I also got married around this time."

    As for Sweetie's birthday, she makes sure I don't forget it because she's already started mentioning it. (It's in November.)(We already have our plans set.)

    But kudos to you and your wife: I agree that skipping over an anniversary inadvertently says a lot about your relationship -- and handling it the way the two of you did says much more. Only the best relationships can be so wonderful, every day, that they don't need a special day to commemorate them.

    (On a related subject: why do you suppose we make such a big deal about anniversaries divisible by 5?)

  7. I just had to laugh out loud when you were debating with it could be a test...
    Now to fix it for next year, just schedule a blog for the week, maybe a repost of this one, (to allow for gift getting or dinner planning), so when you read your blog or go to post that day, you will have a reminder all set for you!
    Happy anniversary!

  8. Well, happy belated anniversary.

    I've felt that panicked moment when I thought I'd forgotten to pick up my son from wherever. Sometimes when I'm writing I get in a sort of trance-like state and forget the time. I've been known to set the kitchen timer to remind me to come up for air if I have somewhere important I have to be.

  9. I got your book on my kindle and am looking forward to reading it.

    Also, get yourself an iPhone and tell siri to set a reminder and you'll never forget anything.

    Tech is so cool, ya know?

  10. Dude, that's so funny. My wife forgot ours last year. I thought about trying to act offended at first, but decided that it would only bother if I thought she didn't love me. So we had a great day.

    Glad you had a great one, in spite of forgetting.

  11. M.J.: I've overslept for things before, which is a totally different kind of "oh crap!" reaction, but missing the class was the first time I'd just forgotten.
    The cover Rusty did is great!

    Cally: You know, I want to never have that feeling again!

    Vero: Yeah, the best thing about it was that, really, neither of us was upset or felt slighted by the other forgetting.

    Alex: No one believes you're as old as you say you are anyway :P

    Jo: I've tried to use calendars... I tend to forget to use them. I'm still trying to learn to uses lists for the grocery store.

    Briane: I don't know! We do the same with everything divisibly by 5. I want to change it. Let's make things special that are divisible by 8! Why? It seems more fun.

    Donna: Well, we don't do anniversary gifts. We usually cook a special dinner at home together, so we didn't actually miss that this year, just didn't have it on the right day.
    I do need to work out something for remembering, though!

    L.G.: Oh, the kitchen timer is great! I use that all the time.

    Michael: I look forward to hearing what you think about it. Free is a great price.
    I'm still avoiding walking tech. I just don't want it. It's bad enough all the spam calls I get at home; I don't want them when I'm away from home, too.

    Rusty: I'm glad you were amused!
    And thanks!

  12. I left a review of The Tunnel on Amazon. :) Thanks for the freebie.

  13. I know! I saw it. Thanks so much!
    Part 2 will be out on the 13th.

  14. I don't know, Andrew...boarding school? I've read books about boarding schools. Hogwarts is a boarding school, you know.

  15. Callie: I'm pretty sure my kids would love to be sent to any boarding school that was half as interesting as Hogwarts.