Monday, February 23, 2015

No, I Don't Have a Phone (and, no, you can't use it)

The other day, I did a thing I don't do very often. It's a thing I want to do... or want to want to do, maybe... but it's never as good as it seems in my head. I took my notebook with me to the cafe and figured I'd get an Aztec and sit and write for a while. The family was out of town and what better indulgence could there be with no demands on my time, right?

And, see, that's the part where it always sounds better than it turns out, because, almost as soon as I found a place to sit outside, a parent from my kids' school came by and started talking to me. Is it just me, when I am sitting bent over my notebook with my pen going, who thinks that should be a signal not to be disturbed? But that wasn't even the real problem. The real problem is that I didn't really know who the woman was other than that I had seen her on the campus. I don't even know who her kid is. But, then, because I have worked with, basically, the entire middle school in regards to creative writing and because everyone knows me as someone who has published books, lots of people know who I am whom I don't know at all.

But she thought I should know her and talked to me as if I knew who her kid is and what it is she was talking about. And I sat politely through it wondering how I could get back to what I was doing without being rude. The answer there is that you can't.

Eventually, she left. And so did I, because I didn't want to run into anyone else who wanted to talk at me. So I went across the street to the hotel that has the creek running behind it and sat on one of the benches there with goal of getting back to work. There's also a park right there, a park where homeless people tend to hang out.

Not long after I got back to work, one of said homeless guys came by. He wanted to use my phone. To order a pizza. He had money. It would only take a moment. He'd give it right back. He did this kind of thing all the time. I'm not sure if, by that, he meant borrowing people's phones or having pizza delivered to the park. Maybe both. The problem, of course, is that I don't have a phone.

Okay, the real problem was that the guy didn't believe me when I told him that I don't have a phone. And, hey, I get it; everyone has a phone. Except me. And, well, maybe everyone he asks to borrow a phone, because maybe that was why he was so persistent. Maybe everyone tells him they don't have a phone in order to get him to leave. Posers.

So we argued over the fact that I don't have a phone with him trying to convince me of why I should let him use it. The non-existent phone. Until, finally, he left. Sort of. Because he almost immediately came back. I mean, he went around the curve in the path, I looked back down at my notebook and tried to figure out what word I was supposed to be writing, and there he was again. "Are you sure you don't have a phone? I just want to order a pizza." And we went through the whole thing again.

Then, he left.

Except, 10 or 15 minutes later, he came back. Now, the thing to know here is that when he came back, he acted as if I was some completely new person. It was like we had never even spoken before, and we had to have the whole conversation over again. And I swear I heard him mumble something like, "The other guy didn't have a phone, either," when he was leaving.

And I left, too, because, man... I suppose that's why I never go to the cafe or anything like that to do any writing.

I did feel bad for the guy, and I hope he got his pizza. But, really, I don't own a phone.

38 comments:

  1. Wow, that poor man. But, I know what it can be like, after working at a Starbucks in San Rafael for four years.... I never took breaks outside because there was always someone out there who wanted to catch up. :P

    Hopefully, once you found a quiet place, you were able to get some writing done!

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    1. Alex H: The quiet place ended up being at home.
      But I suppose that was better in the end.

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  2. You should've just hid at home.
    I didn't have a cell phone for years and only got one recently. No one believed me when I said I didn't have one either.

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    1. Alex C: Yeah, I know. And I knew that, then; I guess I just wanted to shake up my routine a little.

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  3. I don't own one, either. Sometimes I wish I had one, most times I'm glad I don't.

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  4. That poor guy could have gone inside the hotel and used the phone and had his pizza delivered by the time he came back around and bugged you for the second time.

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    1. JKIR,F!: It's kind of a more upscale hotel, so I think he would have just been turned around and escorted right back out. Heck, maybe he'd already tried in the hotel.

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  5. Bright side: you may not have gotten much writing done but you came back with a story!

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    1. I held out on cell phones for as long as I could. One day, the car got stuck in the mud and I wished I had one. You can guess the rest. Still, they are evil little boxes...

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    2. Smart phones, at least, have other practical applications. I still don't use the actual phone part unless I have to. But I do text (admitted sheepishly).

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    3. TAS: The biggest draw for me is the navigational support. I missed that part of the "guy" brain and am notorious for making wrong turns and not quite knowing where I am.

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    4. Yes. No good in Canada, though, unless you're prepared for roaming charges. I like the goodreads app a lot, too.

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    5. Yeah, but I can use goodreads on my computer. Looking up directions on my computer doesn't always get me where I want to go.

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  6. Well, if you don't have the phone, I don't see why I can't use it.

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    1. Jeanne: I'll tell you what: If you can find it, you can use it all you want.

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  7. THIS IS WHY I HATE PEOPLE! You're welcome to join the club. We never meet.

    BOY can I sympathize with this story. Here's a trick to try: stand up and leave, politely. When people come into my office and want to hang out and talk, as soon as I figure out that's what they're up to, I say to them "Walk with me while I get some coffee," and make them turn around and follow me while we go do that. That's what you should've done with that lady; it also works to say you have to go to the restroom.

    But the moral is: people suck.

    PS I just saw the "Just Exactly" review on Amazon. Thanks!

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    1. Briane: I think I've been in that club since, maybe, middle school.

      The coffee trick wouldn't have worked at the cafe; I did have my coffee sitting right in front of me.

      No problem about the review. I'm working my way through stuff.

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  8. A woman tried to get me to give her drugs. Bad drugs. She was sure I had some and I was hiding them. I didn't, and I'm not.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Janie: Well, you know, if you had had drugs, you probably would have been hiding them, so she was at least somewhat justified in believing you had them hidden.
      You know?

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    2. Well, yeah, the truth is I have lots of drugs, and I look like I have drugs. Lots of people ask me for drugs, but they ask Favorite Young Man first.

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    3. Janie: I'm not sure what people who look like they have drugs look like.

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  9. Next time go to Arby's. No one goes in there.

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    1. Pat: The nearest Arby's isn't near. And it's completely un-scenic. I don't think I would want to sit there watching cars pour off the interstate.

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  10. Let's face it, Andrew--you're just a people magnet. People are drawn to you to be insulted or get into an argument. :)

    I''m not much drawn to do work in a public place as I'm a looker. I don't mean I'm a great looking guy, but I look at everything and am eternally distracted if I'm out in public. I have enough problem not looking around when I'm at home.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

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    1. Lee: Actually, I did used to have people that would call me up just to be insulted. Seriously. It was weird. "Hey, would you come hang out with us and make fun of us?" How do you say no to that?

      I like to be able to sort of vacantly watch people while I'm working on a sentence. It's like static for my mind while it's arranging words. About the only place I get to do that is at my daughter's softball practices. I don't speak "sports," so those people tend to let me work.

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    2. Now that was really funny. There's a story character in that I think.

      Arlee Bird
      A to Z Challenge Co-host
      Tossing It Out

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    3. Lee: I'll tell you what: You can use the idea.

      Delete
  11. I had this great fantasy about being alone in a hotel room with nothing to do but write. Then I had the opportunity. It was nothing like I imagined. Between the construction going on outside my window, and the noise in the hallway, I couldn't focus. I'll try it again a couple of months. But, really, I get more done at home.

    Wonder if people really let that guy use their phones. I'd be afraid he'd take off.

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    1. Elsie: A hotel is not a place I would want to go off to to write.
      A cabin in the woods, though...

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  12. Why does someone who doesn't own a phone find it hard to believe that another person doesn't either?

    I've worked in social services a long time, interviewed and worked with more people than I can ever remember. They all seem to know me at the most inopportune moments though.

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    1. dolorah: That's like students. And it makes me feel so bad to have someone I've taught come up to me and for me to not quite be able to remember who they are.

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  13. I guess in this day and age it's hard to believe someone doesn't have a phone, but it's a weird thought that a guy would be homeless and want a pizza delivery. A guy on the phone was selling "legit" Wal-Mart cards and asked to borrow my phone once. I said no.

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    1. Maurice: The pizza delivery thing is kind of weird, but I see it happening occasionally. For instance, there's this group of homeless guys that hangs out at the entrance to the Safeway near my house -- there's also a Round Table pizza right there -- and, sometimes, I see Dominoes delivering to them right there in the parking lot. I suppose that's because Dominoes is cheaper.

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  14. Even if you wear headphones people won't get the hint. I've tried. There is always someone who will try to strike up a conversation, no matter what you're doing. I tend to be grumpy when interrupted, and that doesn't even stop them. It's been awhile since I wrote in public, but for a bit I was meeting up with some folks at a local coffee shop to quietly write. It started out well (and yes, I took headphones), but eventually it was talking the entire time, so I quit going.

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    1. Shannon: Well, those things are really social events not meant for actual work. They tricked you!

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