Thursday, June 14, 2012

Alone in the Silence

Have you ever looked forward to reading a book? I mean, really looked forward to a particular book. For whatever reason, you've decided this book is going to be good. Maybe it's the author. Maybe you've been told repeatedly that it's the best book ever. Maybe it's about your favorite thing (like a book all about chocolate or Star Wars or coffee or whatever). Whatever it is, though, you finally read the book, and wow such disappointment.

For a variety of reasons, I was really looking forward to Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. It sounded interesting. It had really good reviews. But, mostly, being an introvert and constantly being annoyed by people listening to stupid things from people that are loud and more assertive, I wanted to know what this book had to say. And people were saying it had a lot to say. I think what I expected was something along the lines of (and, yes, I know I mention this book a lot, but, really, most of you ought to read it) Bright-sided. Something that was like a science experiment. I have a question, and, now, I'm going to do the research and find the answer. And Quiet was sooo close.

As I read through "Part One: The Extrovert Ideal," I thought I had a winner. I thought I had a book that I was going to be able to say to all of you out there that are introverts and writers (because most actual writers are introverts (and I say it that way to exclude people (celebrities) who "write" books but don't really do the actual writing)), "You need to read this book!" But, as it turns out, I was wrong.

So what happened? Well, Susan Cain (the author) did. As it turns out, she wasn't really interested in introversion, she was actually interested in why she was afraid of public speaking. As many people do, she tied the fear of public speaking to her introversion. It's a great stereotype, right? Introverts are scared to speak in public? Except that it's wrong. Numerous studies have shown that the fear of public speaking has nothing to do with introversion. Extroverts have the same fear of public speaking that introverts have. Meaning, if you're scared of getting up in front of people and giving a speech, you are just as likely to be an extrovert as an introvert (possibly more likely, because we think extroverts make up a larger portion of society). The initial section, the research about extroverts and the rise of our extroverted society is quite good and interesting (but it's not worth buying the whole book for it). It's where the actual, objective research happened.

After that, though... well, it begins an exploration of why she's still scared of public speaking even though she's been doing it for years.

She starts with biology and how much of introversion may be nature and how much nurture. Some of that is also interesting, especially the newer child-focused studie that are trying to differentiate the nature/nurture debate. However, as she went on, she relied more and more on "maybe"s and "might"s rather than actual data. Because there was no solid data to back up any of the claims she wanted to make, so she relied on speculation to make her points. Sometimes, it was her own speculation. And I don't have a problem with speculating, but I do have an issue with speculation being presented as evidence.

The other thing she did was to rely heavily on anecdotal evidence, "I heard a story once...," to prove her points. That's just as bad as speculation. I mean, it's the same as me saying "one time, this friend of mine found a dead cow in the woods with all of its organs removed" to prove that aliens exist. Or that aliens target cows because they like cheese (yes, Briane, that was for you). At one point, she even uses a story Mark Twain told. Really? Because he was know for his non-fiction?

The worst part, though, is that she over-generalized her own brand of introversion as being what all introverts are like, and that's just not true. The introvert/extrovert thing is not something that's cut and dried like that. It's known as the introvert/extrovert spectrum, and it's called that for a reason. But she very happily lumped all introverts into her specific type of introversion, and my own introversion is nothing like hers. For one thing, I don't have a problem with public speaking. At all. I spent years and years getting up in front of people and talking, and the only time I ever had an issue with it was 5th grade, the first time I had to give an oral book report. She also equates introversion with shyness, which is also not true. Shyness, like fear of public speaking, is not something that only introverts lay claim to. Again, shyness is something that falls across the introvert/extrovert spectrum. [At one point, she does, kind of, say this, but, then, she goes on talking about it and discussing it as if it was a purely introvert issue.] But she was a shy child; therefore, all introverts must be shy.

If the book had continued to focus on society (as in the first section) and how introverts can make a place for themselves in a society that holds up extroversion as the ideal (by the way, the US is one of the most extroverted societies on the planet), as the full title suggests, it would have been a good read. However, it goes offtrack and explores how introverts can get over their fear of public speaking (because, you know, that's the assumption, that all introverts are scared of this). In short, it becomes a self help book, and I really wasn't looking for a self help book (nor was it marketed as one). I mean, really, she spends probably 1/3 of the book dealing with strategies and studies and plans about how to get over the fear of public speaking. It was like a big bait-and-switch.

Oh, and also how introverts can act more extroverted. There are strategies for that, too. My issue with this is that she spends the entire first section of the book talking about how we shouldn't have to act like extroverts to get along in our society, and I fully support this. [Introverts should not have to pretend to be extroverts to get along. That's just wrong.] But, then, a huge portion of the book is about how to set aside blocks of time to be extroverted and for no other real reason than that people expect  it. Like I said, I wasn't looking for a self help book, especially one I don't consider a "help."

At the very end (for, maybe, 5 pages), she did talk about the issue of children that are introverts in classrooms designed for extroverts, and that was interesting, but it's the kind of thing that really could have benefited from a closer look. It has to do with how, as a society, we mess up our kids by trying to get them to be one way (an extrovert) when they're not. It's the equivalent of forcing left-handed kids to write with their right hands [my example]; it's just not so visual. [And this issue of the extrovert designed class is pretty much everywhere I guess. Desks arranged in "pods" so that students can work together instead of individually. That's prevalent at my kids' school, too, so that was an eye opener that that's what that's about.]

Anyway, unless you have a fear of public speaking and need to do it, I would just skip this book. I wish I had. I dislike finishing a book frustrated at the lack of information the author actually gave.


As you might expect, I have my own take on the whole introvert/extrovert controversy and how it applies to writing, because, yes, the "extrovert ideal" has been encroaching even upon a field that is populated predominantly by introverts.

Prevailing wisdom says that better, more quality work is done by groups of people rather than people working individually. The problem with that "wisdom" is that virtually every study out there shows that this isn't true. Basically, the more people you have involved, the more muddled the work gets and the longer it takes to complete. Group work also produces an inferior product. Let me say this again, virtually every study done on this subject shows it to be true. But it doesn't "feel" like it ought to be true and some very loud and assertive people speak loudly and assertively about how beneficial it is for everyone to work together, so that's the model that businesses are using. And schools. And, yes, writers.

And you know it's true. Everyone says you need your pack of betas and CPs or you just can't write a novel. You'll get better work if you have more and more feedback. It seems so sensible. And it's hogwash. You can't write a book by committee. Not a good one, anyway. As a writer, you need a vision of what it is you want to write, and you need to pursue that vision in solitude. You need to be alone in the silence of your mind until you can hear whatever it is you need to say. I'm not prescribing a particular method here other than that you need to not let other people muddle your story and destroy your vision.

You need to find that for yourself. Find your vision and pursue it wherever it takes you. Don't get sidetracked by others. Don't let their ideas invade your space. Other people can't see your vision and can't help you to fulfill it.

This doesn't mean don't get feedback when you're finished; you certainly should. People that can see inconsistencies or grammar errors or whatever, but don't spend your time writing by trying to fit other people's ideas into your story. They need to take their ideas and go write their own stories.

Anyway, if you're a writer and an introvert, embrace the introvert within! Go lock yourself in a closet or go down in the cave (or, even, the cafe, if that's how you do it) and write your book. Don't try to conform to the prevailing "wisdom" of the extrovert ideal.

10 comments:

  1. I will have to come back and read this when I have time.

    I owe you book(s?) in the blogathon: email me and let me know what they are, as I'm going to send out the prizes this weekend.

    (And then hopefully finish that thing up.)

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  2. Sorry the book fell flat. Don't have a fear of public speaking. Just don't like to do it, but if I have to, I can get through it.
    I did run the outline for my third book past my three critique partners, just to be sure the idea didn't suck. (So much pressure for this last book to rock!) Jeffrey said it was great, Rusty made one suggestion (which I used), and the third person made a radical suggestion that would've involved rewriting the entire outline.
    Needless to say, I'm down to two critique partners now.

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  3. well that's a bummer. sounds like an interesting book. I DO think that a fear of public speaking is pretty typical for introverts and that public speaking is an extroverted trait. I think you are the atypical one on that point.

    Gonna give you a shout out today!

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  4. This was long but I read the whole thing because like you I don't like speculation touted as fact. And I believe and agree with EVERYTHING (yes, everything) you said. I'm an introvert but do not have any qualms about public speaking. I would have been disappointed in this book. Thanks for a great review of something. It so great.

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    1. Correction - I'm in the car. "something not so great."

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  5. "Have you ever looked forward to reading a book? (...) Whatever it is, though, you finally read the book, and wow such disappointment."

    YES I HAVE HAD THIS EXPERIENCE. It is a truly disappointing experience.

    "The introvert/extrovert thing is not something that's cut and dried like that. It's known as the introvert/extrovert spectrum, and it's called that for a reason."

    I had never heard that, but it's not super-surprising. Sometimes people are surprised I tend to describe myself as an introvert because I've developed good skills at "faking" extroversion for several hours at a time. (Never would have gotten through food service otherwise...) Some people have certain ideas of what introversion is, and simply won't be swayed to accept that it's not black-and-white.

    "...she spends the entire first section of the book talking about how we shouldn't have to act like extroverts to get along in our society, and I fully support this. [Introverts should not have to pretend to be extroverts to get along. That's just wrong.]"

    THIS. I very much agree with this.

    "And you know it's true. Everyone says you need your pack of betas and CPs or you just can't write a novel. You'll get better work if you have more and more feedback. It seems so sensible. And it's hogwash. You can't write a book by committee. Not a good one, anyway."

    There's definitely value in getting good feedback, but the key word there is "good." Depending on what I am working on, I have different people I might ask to read it. And I am OK with ignoring someone's advice/suggestion if it's not in line with my vision/goal. I do think there is VALUE in FEEDBACK, but there's definitely such a thing as too much feedback.

    "Go lock yourself in a closet or go down in the cave (or, even, the cafe, if that's how you do it) and write your book."

    ...and bring a pair of giant headphones to more effectively ignore the people who try to use cafes as their personal blind date scene...

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  6. Sorry the book was a dud. Hate that when I've got high expectations and then the read falls flat.

    And I'm definitely an introvert in that I NEED alone time. I don't dislike people and I'm not really shy (see online activity! ) But I can't be in big crowds for long periods of time. It drains me to have to interact with people for more than a few hours.

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  7. I know what you mean about unexpected expectations. I've been surprised to love or hate specific books.

    I've written five novels but published none. It can be quite frustrating.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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  8. Sounds like the book was just not at all well thought out or put together. She had a valid idea, but couldn't follow through. And she apparently had no idea what she was talking about!

    I'm an introvert, but I can often force past it, and can actually come across as an extrovert, though I am always exhausted afterwards from the sheer effort of putting that face on. My mom is an extrovert, and everyone always expected me to be just like her (SHE didn't, but others did).

    Funnily enough, I don't enjoy public speaking, but I have no problem standing in front of a group of people or taking the reins. However, if I have to put together a speech, practice it, THEN present it, I am terrified. Spontaneously, I have little trouble being in front of people. Weird, huh?

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  9. Briane: Okay!

    Alex: See, that third person sounds like he has an idea he should go write himself.

    Pish: Actually, many of the studies seem to indicate that extroverts have a harder time with public speaking because it's something that they feel impacts them more. They're more invested in their success (not appearing foolish), so it causes a greater barrier.
    Parts of the book were interesting, just not enough of it.

    Donna: No problem :) Glad you liked the review.

    Callie: A huge section of the book is devoted to how introverts can learn how to fake being extroverts in order to get by. I really didn't like that about the book.

    L.G.: That's one of the most agreed upon aspects of introversion, dealing with large amounts of people drain us, not charge us.

    Joyce: Thanks for stopping in!

    Shannon: I think the issue was that she wanted to write about her fear of public speaking and the various she's dealt with that but, in her mind, it was all tied to being introverted. It's one of those assumptions people make and have a hard time seeing past.

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