Monday, September 19, 2016

A Vain Hope

I've mentioned in passing somewhat recently that we've been having some issues with my daughter's softball situation. To say that there are "issues" is rather an understatement, in fact. It is so much an understatement that 1. My daughter is no longer on that team, and 2. Her leaving that team did not automatically make those issues go away, and we are still dealing with them. As such, I can't really go into said details although I would really like to.

All of this has me thinking, though, about my rather vain hope that at some point I would come across people who would just do the right thing. I mean, seriously, how hard is that?

I'm not talking about the asshole who is doing the wrong thing, either. When the asshole gets called out for being an asshole, you expect the asshole to double down on being an asshole. It's what assholes do. If assholes did the right thing, they wouldn't be assholes.

However, the people responsible for the asshole often don't appear to be assholes themselves, and there is always this hope that those people will do the right thing. A vain hope. Because the people in charge of the asshole tend to respond to the assholery by 1. trying to cover it up, or 2. saying the asshole didn't do anything wrong, i.e., the asshole wasn't being an asshole; you're just wrong/too sensitive/whatever. Oh, or my favorite (one of them, at least): The asshole was just doing his job; therefore, he is not really an asshole.

There are so many examples of this kind of thing in society which all turned into scandals and had movies made about them. heh I've even reviewed some of those movies. Take a look!
The Big Short -- At any point leading up to the financial crisis, there could have been people who said, "Wait, this is wrong. We're being assholes..." Oh,wait! They were all being assholes, so I guess that's why they all doubled down on their assholery and brought the whole country down with them.
Spotlight -- One of the absolute worst cases ever of protecting assholes. I mean, of all people, we expect priests to do the right thing, and, yet, by not being willing to put a stop to it, they perpetuated and made worse the... perhaps using the term assholery here is inappropriate. They made the situation worse. Much, much worse.
Philomena -- Again with the church but with nuns. And, again, the very people we expect most to do the right thing.

And I could go on with the examples, but, then, I could go on endlessly with them. Both very public examples like the ones above which were made into movies and smaller examples from my own life or from the lives of people I know. Oh, no, wait! There is one really good one that didn't even involve assholery, at least at the beginning. The whole thing with a mechanical problem with a rented U-haul trailer for which the manager wouldn't take responsibility. She wouldn't "do the right thing," which ended up costing U-haul way more than should have and costing her her job. (I talked about it back in this post.) It was definitely a situation where doing the right thing would have cost her absolutely nothing and, yet, she refused, and it ended up costing her a lot.

It's inexplicable to me, really, this way that people fight against doing what's right. Especially when that's actually the easy thing to do. I don't get it. I really don't.

And, so, now, I find myself in another conflict with people who have decided against doing the right thing. And I think it's because they believe I will just go away and let the thing drop and they will be able to get away with doing nothing to make things right. I'm sure they think that because that's what most people would do. That's what the other family that had the same thing happen has done. They let it drop. But, well, these people don't know me very well. I spent a month pursuing $80 from U-haul and, another time, most of a year pursuing a situation with Dell over a laptop they didn't want to fix. Those were relatively small things in comparison, and, honestly, it wasn't the money I was interested in either of those situations. If the woman at U-haul had just apologized for what had happened with their faulty trailer, even if she hadn't offered any reimbursement, I would have let the matter drop. Instead, she backed into that whole "It's not our fault" position and "we don't owe you anything." This, though, this is my daughter, and that's a whole new ballgame (yes, I'll claim the pun). heh Maybe, one day, there will be a movie made about it.

12 comments:

  1. I don't understand the asshattery that seems to run rampant in this world either. Stand up and do the right thing for God's sake. Good luck to you and keep fighting for your daughter.

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  2. Doing the right thing requires effort and often admitting something is wrong. Or that person is wrong. People prefer to dig in and not do anything.

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  3. There's too much narcissism in the world right now for society, and I think a side-effect of that is that people only do the thing that puts them in a better position. I actually blame bad parenting, a focus on the self instead of others, and to some extent...social media. If only someone would invent a way to spray people with oxytocin. I read that this is a chemical that allows the brain to feel empathy for others. Without genuine empathy, people will always struggle to do the right thing.

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    1. Michael: The coach in question certainly feels it's all about him. He has a team of girls who love to play softball -for him-. It's not about softball, it's about performing for him. (His words, not mine.)

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  4. Talk to some of these people, though, and they insist that they're the good guys, and that you're the bad guy. I mean, absolutely insist. That's a special level of assholism, if you're an asshole and yet can actually convince yourself that you're the hero in this story.

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    1. Something happened to me and the last thing out of her mouth was "I am a good person" whenever I hear that I want to puke
      all over the that person.

      cheers, parsnip

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    2. ABftS: That's part of what makes someone an asshole, because I'm sure they all think that.

      parsnip: There are no "good people," myself included.

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  5. It sucks that your daughter's softball situation hasn't gotten any better. I really don't get why people double down when they're wrong, and worse, why everyone seems to excuse it. Especially when you're right and somehow YOU look like the asshole for refusing to let it go! Keep at it, Andrew. They'll learn who not to mess with.

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    1. Jeanne: I get the not wanting to admit your wrong part; I really do. It's the part where other people come in and support that person in being wrong that I don't understand.

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  6. I am not sure entirely what's going on with the softball, but I can sympathize. It's especially hard when one of our kids is affected, because as parents we don't want them to have to learn so quickly how terrible people are.

    You talk about fighting Uhaul and Dell. Sometimes that's all we can do: continue to try to prove to people that you can be a decent person and come out ahead, which requires fighting. Always fighting. It's an exhausting way to live, isn't it? I hope your daughter's situation gets better.

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  7. I am not sure entirely what's going on with the softball, but I can sympathize. It's especially hard when one of our kids is affected, because as parents we don't want them to have to learn so quickly how terrible people are.

    You talk about fighting Uhaul and Dell. Sometimes that's all we can do: continue to try to prove to people that you can be a decent person and come out ahead, which requires fighting. Always fighting. It's an exhausting way to live, isn't it? I hope your daughter's situation gets better.

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    1. Briane: It is an exhausting way to live. Completely exhausting.
      In one sense, her situation is better. She is no longer associated with that team and, as soon as that happened, things got better for her. You could see it in her posture as soon as it happened.

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