tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post1948040808414768734..comments2023-09-29T05:32:04.308-07:00Comments on StrangePegs: The Struggle for Confidence (an IWSG post)Andrew Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13964775673414653644noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-7243047558050202732012-09-08T07:57:13.930-07:002012-09-08T07:57:13.930-07:00Shannon: Fortunately, my high school was actually ...Shannon: Fortunately, my high school was actually nothing like that. We didn't have jocks/cheerleaders, because we didn't have team sports. We had fencing!<br />It is good to have a friend like that!Andrew Leonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13964775673414653644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-2388092872978483352012-09-08T00:07:50.031-07:002012-09-08T00:07:50.031-07:00You know, I was shocked when I found out my high s...You know, I was shocked when I found out my high school was very much like Breakfast Club. I'd never seen such a segregation of types of people before. So I turned into Ally Sheedy...<br /><br />You're right. We all need someone to tell us the truth. The best thing I found was a friend who was willing to truly critique my writing. She isn't a writer, she's a reader. And she gives me fantastic feedback, tells me when things aren't working, questions things she doesn't understand, etc. And she doesn't apologize for it. Now THAT is a friend.Shannon Lawrencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00934641808195675935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-67862471085704404282012-09-07T11:13:50.364-07:002012-09-07T11:13:50.364-07:00SG/K: You do have to be brave. Then, you have to b...SG/K: You do have to be brave. Then, you have to be strong to stay there.<br /><br />Cally: But, see, most people don't like to have their thoughts provoked, so I can't put that right out there in front, or everyone would just run away :P<br />It's important to have people around us that can tell us to keep trying so that we can see those hard times through. Not people that say "but you're so awesome," people that will say, "sure, there are people better than you, but keep working at it; you'll get there."Andrew Leonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13964775673414653644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-68447532387434407152012-09-07T04:05:26.684-07:002012-09-07T04:05:26.684-07:00Another thought provoking post. Perhaps that shoul...Another thought provoking post. Perhaps that should be your byline - Andrew Leon, Thought Provoker. <br /><br />"I actually think that some of us don't want to get better. It's too hard." I think this is why I left drama in my first year of uni. In my high school, I was the best. Then, when I went to uni, I was surrounded by others who'd been the best at their high schools, and a lot of them were better than me. I couldn't handle that, so I panicked and dropped out. I didn't understand that at the time, but looking back, it's quite clear that's what was really going on. <br /><br />Listening to constructive criticism and learning from it is hard work - both mentally and emotionally. But it's so worth it. I want to continue to grow as a writer, and to do that, I have to be willing to listen to feedback - hopefully I do a better job of it as a writer than I did as an actor. ;-)<br />Cally Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08313803959936813426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-17663680513654044172012-09-06T18:01:25.769-07:002012-09-06T18:01:25.769-07:00You have to be brave to put yourself out there. I&...You have to be brave to put yourself out there. I'm confident about most things in my life, but it's a struggle with my writing. But that helps me get better.Susan Gourley/Kelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02669793865290876168noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-26279647582472447692012-09-06T12:45:38.550-07:002012-09-06T12:45:38.550-07:00Bess: It's definitely difficult to find a bala...Bess: It's definitely difficult to find a balance between the two during high school, if ever.<br />Thanks!Andrew Leonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13964775673414653644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-78517222098272251172012-09-06T11:10:42.582-07:002012-09-06T11:10:42.582-07:00Great post Andrew! This is all so true. Especially...Great post Andrew! This is all so true. Especially about high school. You either WAY too secure, or WAY too insecure.<br />Bess Weatherbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17906770012735983929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-87928667948953084832012-09-06T10:51:06.149-07:002012-09-06T10:51:06.149-07:00Liza: The story part is certainly subjective, and ...Liza: The story part is certainly subjective, and there does need to be an understanding that not everyone will like the same things. I mean, cauliflower doesn't get upset when my son doesn't like it, right?<br /><br />ABftS: Yeah, that has to be a much tougher dynamic than just being CPs for each other. Your writing can't be good unless both of your writing is good, so you can't let the other person slack just to save feelings.<br /><br />L.: It is tough! Tougher than it should be, and part of that is that, culturally, we'll about being anti-negative. Being negative about other people being negative is the only allowed form of negativity. Maybe that's why we bash truth tellers so hard.<br /><br />Lisa: I think the line between over-critical and and just right is often due to a failure of the writer to communicate what is needed.<br /><br />Michael: Sometimes, that's the kind of confidence you really have to, initially, grow from within. Sit down with yourself and figure out where you excel and satisfy yourself in your knowledge. If other people can see that you are confident in a given area, they become more willing to look at it and see if you're right.Andrew Leonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13964775673414653644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-72056107251799736152012-09-06T09:30:56.926-07:002012-09-06T09:30:56.926-07:00Confidence is the toughest thing for me to achieve...Confidence is the toughest thing for me to achieve so this really hits home. I think it may stem from the fact that I've always viewed myself outside the mainstream. I'm gay, atheist, and then haven't felt all that attractive for the majority of my life. So yeah, I lack a lot of confidence in everything I do. This is a good reminder that we can go forward and take small steps to bolster that very important self-esteem.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-36985784473272139232012-09-06T09:24:34.301-07:002012-09-06T09:24:34.301-07:00Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. Confidence is s...Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. Confidence is sometimes hard to achieve. I find that I go up and down like a manic depressive yo-yo - one minute I'm really happy with a piece and the next I think it's terrible. It's good to have someone supportive yet critical to peruse your writing. There's a fine line between being over-critical and giving just the right amount of constructive feedback. I shall continue to write and hopefully I'll gain some courage and confidence along the way. Nice to meet you. I'm #IWSG number 230 and, by the way, I suck at poetry.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11638147584287689520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-14592831179985666732012-09-06T06:07:07.851-07:002012-09-06T06:07:07.851-07:00Finding that legitimate criticism and recognizing ...Finding that legitimate criticism and recognizing it can be tough. Although the meaningless or mean-spirited stuff can usually be spotted a mile away.L. Diane Wolfehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06425864276166334896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-67883364146830004482012-09-06T05:54:54.341-07:002012-09-06T05:54:54.341-07:00And this is why I have Brandon look at everything ...And this is why I have Brandon look at everything I write, and I look at his writing, because we tell it like it is. As co-writers, you get over that cutesy 'oh yeah this is great you're so awesome' crap really fast. Because if he writes something great and I follow it with something crappy, or vice versa, that makes both of us look bad. It's just looking out for our best interest. And it translates to solo projects, too. I don't want Brandon to release a book with a badly written chapter, and he doesn't want me to do the same either. I'd consider that a true friend, far above 'oh this is so great nothing wrong at all yep you're a superstar.'A Beer for the Showerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17029139745335325356noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-53271612170488893002012-09-06T05:27:18.081-07:002012-09-06T05:27:18.081-07:00Writing is subjective. There will always be folks ...Writing is subjective. There will always be folks who love a particular piece and those who hate it. As writers, we have to understand that, produce the best piece we can, and take comfort in it. If we receive legitimate criticism (like from your teacher) then we must absorb it and learn from it and move on. If we work as hard as we can to improve, to grow as writers, and know in our hearts we are doing that, then insecurities will be less inclined to haunt us.Lizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16170701034715108039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-984968534496765252012-09-05T19:09:05.850-07:002012-09-05T19:09:05.850-07:00Rusty: Well, of course, everyone -wants- to be per...Rusty: Well, of course, everyone -wants- to be perfect without any effort or any correction on the first try. <br />Anyway, I think you should just go ahead and disagree with Briane if that's what feels right.<br />:PAndrew Leonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13964775673414653644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-54388662769857951612012-09-05T18:53:15.054-07:002012-09-05T18:53:15.054-07:00Meaty stuff today. I'm more along the line of ...Meaty stuff today. I'm more along the line of Briane with this one. That frightens me, because I'm much more comfortable disagreeing with him. That's what feels natural.<br /><br />But again, unless someone specifically asks me to read something of their's and critique it, then I'm going to generally tell them it's fine. If I think it's embarrassingly bad then I will try to find a way of letting them know that it needs more work. <br /><br />Same for reviews, at least from Indie folks, I'm not interested in helping anyone out as a writer that didn't solicit my advice. I have read a ton of things I just never reviewed because I couldn't figure out a way to say something nice about the work.<br /><br />But, we've had this conversation before. <br /><br />I do think getting honest feedback is hard. Really hard. When I ask for it I sometimes don't really want to hear it. I want to hear, "This is the greatest thing I've ever read, period. Don't change a thing."<br /><br />So anything other than that is a disappointment. At the same time, I want to get better. So I swallow my pride and ask for honesty.<br /><br />Usually. Not always. Wait, I'm undermining my point here. Disregard this paragraph.<br /><br />Rusty Carlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09887821877521181811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-23344559428842064892012-09-05T14:55:30.641-07:002012-09-05T14:55:30.641-07:00Anne: I think what we are doing in our schools is ...Anne: I think what we are doing in our schools is just wrong. This emphasis on "protecting" our children at all costs even from any "negative" feelings is just crippling them.<br /><br />Even though I use it, I kind of agree with you about "awesome."<br /><br />ravena: We didn't have jocks at my high school, either, because we didn't have sports in the traditional sense.<br /><br />Cathy: Yeah, we do. Those people are awesome! :P I use it all the time, too. It's a hazard of growing up in the 80s.<br /><br />Alex: No, you may not use it anymore; that way, Cathy and I can keep using it without having to hear it from other people. :P<br />As a stray fact, my best friend during high school spent, probably, an entire year where we watched that movie every weekend. I think Ferris Bueller is probably better, but, man, Better Off Dead is awesome! (See, that's why you can't use it.)<br /><br />Jennifer: I think you come across as pretty straight forward, which is why I'm glad you liked my book :) I'm glad you like (love) the post!<br /><br />S.L.: CPs, actual CPs, are a pretty rare breed, though, because for someone like that to be useful to you, they need to have editing skills.<br /><br />Briane: Oh, man, you made me laugh so hard! My kids often fantasize about a world where sugar is healthy.<br /><br />M.J.: LOL Well, that may be more due to the fact that we have been being culturally trained for at least the last two decades to never acknowledge that we are good at anything.<br /><br />And back to<br />Briane: Well, sometimes, I think you have to just be blunt about it. Honestly, if he'd said something like that to me, "Don't you think you should try X?" I would have said something like, "yeah, maybe" while mentally disregarding him. I needed someone to tell me "this is not good" to get me to look at it. I think I have some good pieces of poetry, now, but I probably only had one piece of poetry worth showing for every 100 I wrote back in high school and college.<br /><br />Callie: I don't know a single person made of awesome, right now, and have only known a couple my whole life. I've known plenty that they were God's gift, though. You must have all of those people, you hoarder.<br /><br />G_G: I think the mountain of waiting lawsuits has certainly made a lot of people overly solicitous.<br /><br />Lee: Yeah, I'd rather inspire comments that require people to think. So many people avoid it, though, it can be difficult. Maybe that's part of why so many people are so quick with the "it's great!" because it takes a lot of thought to tell someone -why- you didn't like something.<br /><br />Nancy: Yeah, writers do need some people around them to help keep them on course so they don't become completely self-indulgent (although I think CPs can be a bit overrated, but more on that will be coming up in the future).<br /><br />I like that, "genuine enough!" :)<br /><br />I looked over you goodreads list, and I'm pretty sure I know who it is. heh<br /><br />Maurice: Thanks!<br />But, really, who needs tact? :P<br />You know, after Star Wars, Better Off Dead may -still- be the 2nd most quoted movie in my house. "Two dollars!"<br /><br />L.G.: See, I think the "cruel" this is what's subjective. You can say it as nicely as possible, and it's still quite possible that the recipient will take it as cruel. Been there, done that.<br />It's not just that we're afraid to fail, we're not allowed to. I mean that seriously. We do everything we can to safeguard our children against failure when it's those bumps and bruises and, yes, sometimes broken bones that teach us.<br /><br />Anne: Hey, you're not out of your depth. This stuff applies everywhere. The audio from NPR (from yesterday) had nothing to do with writing, specifically, but about how this mentality is affecting the workplace. It made me laugh, though, because that sandwich method is so often used in giving writer feedback. This is something everyone needs to hear, I think, not just writers.Andrew Leonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13964775673414653644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-28339161114111924072012-09-05T14:01:41.127-07:002012-09-05T14:01:41.127-07:00You really inspired some good discussion here toda...You really inspired some good discussion here today. And talking about self-confidence, I do feel a bit "out of my depth" here as I'm not a writer. But that said, this is all applicable to any kind of creative or professional endeavor.<br /><br />Tolerate my ignorance please!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01681799401614263953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-88269338813663945412012-09-05T12:46:28.285-07:002012-09-05T12:46:28.285-07:00I think anyone who is lucky enough to find a criti...I think anyone who is lucky enough to find a critique partner who is willing to say what honestly needs to be said without being cruel is worth everything. <br /><br />I do think our society suffers from an "I'm awesome!" mentality. It's like we're afraid to fail anymore, when in fact failure is the mechanism by which most of us learn. Luanne G. Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15762881276976395955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-19295927272167235192012-09-05T12:40:11.161-07:002012-09-05T12:40:11.161-07:00I like the "diet of constant sugar" anal...I like the "diet of constant sugar" analogy Andrew. Gotta keep it real with tact. Better off Dead was a classic. Maurice Mitchellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15338165486757095191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-86651058701769329732012-09-05T11:53:12.070-07:002012-09-05T11:53:12.070-07:00This is why I think all writers should surround th...This is why I think all writers should surround themselves with super-tough critique partners, most of whom they do not know personally. As for your scale, can I say I feel like a 1.5??? I'm not totally insecure in my abilities, but I know I'm no John Hart either. <br /><br />What I do know is that I'm good enough, and anything beyond that can be achieved through hard work and practice. Even in high school, I was a 1.5, never the cheerleader or best friends with those who were, but well-liked. Or well enough anyway. And I'm okay with that, which is probably why my insecurities don't overwhelm me. And while I do have a few folks who offer me their "awesome" praise, most of that came before I really knew them, so I think it's genuine. At least, genuine enough!<br /><br />And as far as that friend I was warned about on Goodreads, no, it's not you. The person who warned me is a very good friend to you. And to me, as well. And personally, I don't think you'd stoop to this other guy's level of criticism. You seem to genuine to me.<br /><br />Rock on, Andrew!!Nancy Thompsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05735642863696266005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-22670158752003858402012-09-05T10:25:33.622-07:002012-09-05T10:25:33.622-07:00The way I've been approaching writing lately i...The way I've been approaching writing lately is kind of like being back in high school. I spent a lot of time hiding and few people even knew who I was. I need to regain some confidence so I can step out in the open.<br /><br />What you say here is indeed consistent with what you've been saying all along and it makes a lot of sense. Using blog comments as an example, it's all nicey feely-good when I get a dose of praise and it can be irritating to get some blatant criticism or someone just telling me that I'm an asshole, but the best comments are ones that might say something like "I liked what you wrote, but maybe this would have been better or I don't agree with this and here's why and here are some suggestions that might make it better" or some comment that shows an actual thought process went into it. I appreciate anyone who reads what I write and doesn't just outright attack me, but I esteem and value the person who is there to act in a role of mentor, friend, or someone who truly wants to help.<br /><br />Truth is the best teacher.<br /><br /><br />Lee <br /><a href="http://wrotebyrote.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Wrote By Rote</a><br />Arlee Birdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11663942782929929334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-60234385824514084452012-09-05T10:12:30.301-07:002012-09-05T10:12:30.301-07:00Love the Movie Better off Dead. It's been some...Love the Movie Better off Dead. It's been some years, but nothing in high school actually prepared for the real world. We live in a sue happy country, so I think some may be afraid to tell just what they think so they go along with the crowd. I have fibbed to close friends about some things because I didn't want to be responsible for their breakdown. Nice post, enjoyed reading.<br /><br />Gossip_Grlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06603645371306284338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-78999809074483012942012-09-05T09:59:25.171-07:002012-09-05T09:59:25.171-07:00I like your story about the english prof who told ...I like your story about the english prof who told you to write the poem as prose. Everybody needs some people like that in their life. It's one of the things I'm trying to gather as part of my grad school workshops -- a few people who I know will tell me if something's genuinely not working.<br /><br />I know several people who are made of awesome, and nearly all of them struggle with bouts of depression. Makes you think.Callie Leuckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09535505792102190920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-29731191423096613432012-09-05T09:41:40.699-07:002012-09-05T09:41:40.699-07:00We've had this debate before, you and I, about...We've had this debate before, you and I, about when to be positive and when to be negative.<br /><br />I believe that positivity should be the rule except in professional situations. In other words, if you, as my friend, ask me to take a look at a poem you wrote and tell you what I think, my answer will be "It's good" or higher.<br /><br />If you come to me and say "I'd like you to publish this," then I owe you an honest opinion.<br /><br />If you ask me to review something for public consumption, like posting a review of your book on Amazon or my blog, my policy is that's a professional task, but I won't then post negative reviews of indie authors, so I will either post a positive review, if I can do so honestly, or nothing.<br /><br />But with all that, I think constructive help is better -- I don't say constructive criticism. Your professor was okay, but he could've tried "Hey, have you ever considered writing this as prose? I think that would be great!" instead of "This poem sucks, make it a paragraph and I might not barf when I read it."<br /><br />That's what he said, right? I'm paraphrasing.Brianehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01616494058636881575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7658526372996117205.post-17325043071663537792012-09-05T09:38:26.714-07:002012-09-05T09:38:26.714-07:00There are days— well, maybe not days— there are ho...There are days— well, maybe not days— there are hours— well, maybe not hours— there are handfuls of consecutive minutes where I do know I am a good writer. Unfortunately, I never seem to blog during any of those minutes...<br /><br />A fantastic post... perfect for today's crowd.M.J. Fifieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15626475963328519693noreply@blogger.com